By: Courtney Mina
When it comes to compromising, we plus size women have the act down to an art. And why shouldn’t we, considering we learned from a very early age that women with plus size bodies cannot experience the same freedoms and respect in life as others do? Compromising ourselves has become second-nature to us after years and years of being forced to do so by society and its (absolutely ridiculous) standards, and we’ve gone through life believing that being accommodating was the best thing for us. It’s easier just to go along with what others expected, or what others felt “more comfortable” with us doing. That has always guided many of our choices.
Andy Warhol described it best when he said, _”Human beings are born solitary, but everywhere they are in chains – daisy chains – of interactivity. Social actions are makeshift forms, often courageous, sometimes ridiculous, always strange. And in a way, every social action is a negotiation, a compromise between ‘his,’ ‘her’ or ‘their’ wish and yours.”
When it comes to us plus size girls, we’ve always felt as if our bodies have chained us down. We have always been viewed as “lesser than” by society – less respected, less attractive, less important. And when you grow up being constantly shamed for your body, you develop a natural sense to accommodate. You’re the first one to negotiate, to submit when it comes to social actions. It’s always “their wish” over yours.
You get so used to it that you actually find yourself settling constantly. You don’t even look at the sleeveless shirts and dresses when you’re shopping at the stores. Wearing something sleeveless would cause your fat arms to show, which would make everyone else uncomfortable, which in turn would make you feel uncomfortable, so it’s best to just avoid it all together. You don’t even think about talking to the cute guy who smiled at you from the seat across you on the subway. You don’t want to risk trying, just to end up getting turned down (which you feel you most likely will). So best to not say anything at all. For us, it just seems easier that way.
But the problem with settling and always being accommodating is this: everything. We are missing out on life, you guys. We are strong, beautiful women who deserve the same respect, freedoms and rights as everyone else in this life. Our bodies, while they are a part of us, do not “define” us. The truth of it is, we are all made uniquely, in different shapes, shades, and sizes, and the sooner we start acting like we are beautiful and worthy of respect, the sooner you’re going to notice life becoming so much brighter. Because fat arms happen to be adorable in sleeveless tops, and that cute guy on the subway has every chance of being into you. Stop settling. Dare to wear, make them stare, take the risk, enjoy your choices, bask in your own glory, and live life as an uncompromising woman.